can you drive me…?

It sucks not having my G1, or G2 for that matter.
I am never allowed to go anywhere or do anything unless i waste my money, and take the bus or rely on my friends parents to pick me up and drive me home. And its not fair. Not fair at all.

When I first got my job at McDonald’s my dad told me that he wouldn’t mind picking me up, or driving me there. It is a 20-30 minute walk (depending on how fast i am walking). Anyways now i am afraid to ask if he can drive me to and from work…even when its raining or snowing outside. He always gets this bitch voice on, and acts like a jerk about it.

I have walked so much up and down that road, that i can do it with my eyes closed. The thing is, I have spare last period and instead of waiting for the bus i walk home. Then i walk back to work. Then I walk home. I dont mind doing it during the day, but my dad wont get off his lazy ass and drive me in the morning so i end up walking sometimes at like 4:30am or 11pm. Or whenever i have…god i hate him.

Its not fair that i can never hang out with my friends who dont live in Newcastle because my dad wont drive me. And if he does drive me, he gets pissy because he is. He does this to everyone in the family. He drives when he wants. And I cant wait to get my G’s because then i dont have to wait for him anymore. I can leave whenever.

***********

Other then him, I had an alright day at work. It was fun. I found out that i will be having a Crew Trainer interveiw sometime this week (hopefully). I know the thing that might hold me back is my attitude, but honestly if they gave me a chance to be a Trainer…i am sure my attitude wouldnt be so bad. I have been working there almost 3 years and i have to take orders from people who haven’t been working there as long as i have.

It just makes me mad.

***********

Cory is coming over today. Actually he should be here in about 45 minutes or something. haha. We are probably going to watch a movie, and take pictures. Since I have to scrapbook and i bought a new photo album and basically i love photo’s, and looking back on them. No matter who is in it. hehe.

Hitler an’ More Cory?

You know what sucks?
Work.

I have this theory about McDonalds. And people might be offended by it. And if you are. Please no hate mail. Nothing can ever be compared the Hitler, or anything to that extreme, and I know this. But hear me out. If you ever have worked at a McDonalds you might know what i am talking about. If not, anyways…

Its like this. At McDonalds we have different levels of people. We have a Store Manager, then different positions of Management [1st assistant; 2nd assistant; swing manager], then we have the Team Leaders, Crew Trainers, and finally Crew People. Here is my theory:

The store manager is basically like Hitler, they control basically everything in the store. Next in line would be the management team, and they would be Hitler’s soldiers who train the Team Leaders into becoming a Nazi. Then you have the Crew Trainers, which would be the Hitler Youth. Again training to move up, and become Nazi’s. Then the crew, who are the people. And every so often you get people who want to move up in the chain and ya. They start training.

Does that make sense? Probably not, in order to really understand you would need to work at the store. Meh. So again, im sorry if i offended.

***************************

So it was another Coryless day at school today. I miss him so much. But apparently he is getting better. Which is great. And I cant wait to see him, and give him a great big hug [not so much a kiss yet, hehe, he still might be a little sick.]

And without Cory at school, there is nothing really to look forward to.

Class is boring. In Com-tech we are creating websites which is great and all but the website i am creating is for memories of the past 4 years of Clarke [since i am hopefully graduating this year]…anyways, my personal website which is created using piczo is blocked. Meaning I cant get the pictures i need, or may want to use. Myspace is also blocked, so no pictures from there either. Joy. You gotta love school. English class is so boring that i usually fall asleep in it. I try not to. But it happens. History is gay now that the teacher made a new seating plan. I now sit with this guy i rarely talk to, and Gordon’s girlfriend. You remember Gordon? haha. My like, 3 year crush. Oh Jeeze. Anyways, she sits there and looks at me all weird and stuff….i dont know. Weird. heh.

love and hate

LOVE

I love this boy i know. His name is Cory, and i know what most of you are thinking. How can someone of only 17 (18 in 23 days) know about love? Well it’s simple. This boy I know, makes me smile whenever we talk, whether is be msn/text messages/phone/or in person. I can never stop thinking about him. And I miss him, even after we’ve hung out for the day. Its hard to explain. But I do know that something is different with this relationship, from all the other ones.

Every other relationship had something to do with sex. That three letter word which means so much for different people. With every other relationship, i could never see it lasting. I always could point out things that are wrong. Its just different, and hard to explain. And seeing as i am never any good at talking or explaining how i am feeling i just end up confusing people.

Anyways with Cory things are different. And as lame and cheesy as this sounds, I can see myself with him. Like moving out, living together, being there for each other and such. Seeing myself with him you know? I cant find anything wrong, and…I dont know.

This boy is hot. And I love him. He always makes me smile. And for a depressed, cynical teenager like myself, I need that.

*************************

I love my friends.

To be honest I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. They have helped me through alot of shit. And it’s great because I have different levels of friends, and each person has helped me become who i am today.

I have my close/BFF friends who i talk to on a regular basis who are there when i need a shoulder to cry on. And who are there to tell me to shut up when needed.
[jess.h. && chelsee]

Then I have the boyfriend. Who is basically the same person…but a little more intimate. hehe;
[cory]

There are people who are my friends and some aqquintances. People who I can hang out with, who i dont know if I could get really personal, but they are friends.
[aaron && dan && brandon, matt, tino && jess.l. and more]

Each person is special to me. And have helped me, some more then others but meh.

**********************

Family.

Short and simple here. As much as I may not get along with my family, I love them to death. And even though I say stupid things about them. I love them. They are always there for me, and they always will be. Even if I make stupid choices.

*********************

Wow I have talked so much about the love, i have no anger anymore for the hate right now. Even though I hate alot. hehe.

I bet your wondering why I am talking about this stuff, and to be honest I have no idea why either. I just wanted to update my blog, and randomly I decided to talk about people i love, and things I hate. I am feeling really down in the dumps, and things suck because I am graduating high school soon, and I have no plan for my future. All I know is I want to be happy, not work at mcdonalds, be with someone who loves me, and cares about me [hopefully Cory] and have my awesome friends. A house of my own. The usual.

I guess you can say i am really scared of growing up, and appart from people.

xmas eve.

Ok for the past, well three years I have been working at McDonald’s it has not felt like Christmas eve, or Christmas for that matter. I always work on xmas eve, which is always fun. Everyone is in such a good mood and works very well together.

After work I hung out with Chelsee, Kiley and Chad for like 30minutes which was really awesome. Because I talked to Chelsee about recent events since I needed someone to talk to. After talking to Chelsee i recieved a text message from my boyfriend, Cory asking if i minded if he came over to drop my xmas card off. I was like hellz yes! I couldn’t wait to see him! I missed him lots. No matter what is going on in my life that is shitty he always seems to make my brain forget about them. I love that about him.

My brother and older sister came down today since they have their own thing tomorrow. And now my aunt and grandma are here and sleeping over for tomorrow. Tomorrow should be interesting. We are going to my uncle’s house for xmas dinner. haha.

Anyways, I more then likely won’t update for a couple days, seeing as McDonald’s decided to take advantage of the fact that i am on holidays from school, so they schedule me everyday! Like honestly!

i heart cory.

yesterday

so yesterday i went shopping and bought everyone in my family something. Which is awesome, because i was freaking out because I thought I wouldn’t have enough money.

I bought Cory like 5 things. I bought him two t-shirts, they are both white, one says “watch out for my weiner” and the other says “robots gone wild” they are pretty cool, it was buy one get one at Randy River. And then I bought him a pair of PJ pants, they were also buy one get one (at the same place) so I kept one. They are so comfy. hehe. Anyways, I also bought him Tag body spray. That stuff rocks my socks! Then I bought him Love Coupons, and condoms. He loved it. And it was awesome watching him open them.

I miss him so much. Last night i worked CLO and I forgot my cellphone at home. Which sucked, because I got home to 7 text messages from JessicaH and Cory. I miss him. I texted both of them back, but Cory was the one who replied. Thankfully. He really is awesome.

HAw

photoshoot.

Sometimes I love taking pictures of myself, i dont know why. But sometimes it makes me realize that i am not that sore to look at. I usually take pictures of myself for my myspace updates. And that’s usually it. But also i guess is because I like remebering stupid things.

I am really huge about pictures. I love them. I have so many of them plus a scrapbook. And now that i have a Solo 10-4/camera phone the pictures continue more then ever! Because now i am able to snap them whenever.

See, I dont look that bad. haha.

School was interesting today. My boyfriend was more touchy-feely today for some reason. And I really don’t know why. Normally he plays hackey sack with his friends, but today he was touchy touchy. Which was really nice. However…well [certain people know what i am talking about.] I am starting to think that Cory and I are going to last a long time, i love being around him. He is really awesome, and to make things better my parents actually like this boyfriend. hehe. God I am turning into a mushy pile of goop!

I am really excited about tomorrow, and Friday, and Saturday and basically well the next like five days! Tomorrow Miss Misery might possibly be sleeping over, and then Friday we skip school to go finish (and for me start) our Christmas shopping. And Josh E, Miss Misery, Sean, and maybe her boyfriend (miss Misery) and I are going. It is going to be awesome. Then after shopping I go home and work CLO. I am really excited.

GAH!

oh, and school SUCKS!

fuck that

It seems like i work with fucking idiots. And the customers; don’t even get me started. (You know I will bitch and complain about that later anyways.).

I worked open today, a 5am shift. Not bad, I don’t mind opening. But the thing that pisses me off is the simple fact that Ryan (the manager) and JessL (CLO) worked the night before, and just like opening yesterday the store was DISGUSTING! Honestly how hard is it to do your job properly? The dishes weren’t put away again and the floors weren’t swept or mopped, nothing was cleaned (not even the grills or vats). The vats were still turned on (very dangerous). God the place was gross.

I turned the other cheek (for a while) and then Melissa (the opening manager) said that Crystal (yes I have bitched about her before) wasn’t showing up for her open drive-thru shift. Jessica to the fucking rescue again. I worked drive-thru again and it was busy, and I was getting fucking spanked! (Yes; I said spanked). Anyways, today was just not a good day. And around 10am JessL called in sick. Can you say faker? Like honestly, she is probably too tired to come in because she was up all night talking to her friends about “things”.

***********************************************

Customers are really truly honestly stupid. I mean when I go to a restaurant (even fast food) I tend to clean up after myself. I don’t pee on the fucking ground, or toilet. When I am eating I don’t make it look like i didnt eat anything because everything is on the ground/table when i leave. When I am waiting in line, and they are busy and taking forever i dont bitch about it. I wait patiently. When I come through drive-thru, I know what I am going to order so I don’t tie up the line. I am not rude, and I dont get mad when they take longer then expected.
I am not a fucking mind reader, if you want sauces and shit, say something at the speaker when your order is being taken! Don’t freaking wait until you get to the second window and say “Is there ketchup in the bag?”
Of coarse there is no ketchup in the bag you idiot!
Honestly. Holy craps!

**************************************************

Today is Sunday. Which means the lazy day. My parents are going out Christmas shopping I believe, and I am going with Cory to help him pick out his new cell phone! Finally. I hope he chooses a 10-4 Solo Mobile Phone, because I have that phone and its awesome! I really love it.

Jetta Yo.

Bleh.

…a bit rusty

Well I am back. Back again. Jessie’s back, tell a friend. Guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back…

Anyways, I found my password and username again, and I am back. Aren’t you glad? You all get to hear my rambling bitchiness and bitterness, and lovey dovey love stories, etc etc etc.

I am going to need some time to get used to blogging again, and hopefully come up with some random things, and interesting…see here I go again. Blabbing about nothing. haha. So my last post was in June and now its December, basically only like 9 or something less days until Christmas. So much has happened! So lets just sum it up in a nutshell.

• JessL and I are no longer friends (kinda); she just had a serious car accident (it was in the papers and everything). That i really don’t want to talk about.
• I started hanging out with the “uptown boys”, then i stopped because the really were a bad influence on me. Now i spend most of my time, with Chelsee or JessH (Miss Misery).
• I am now dating this really awesome guy named Cory. He is really really sweet.

Ok, i am sure more then just that has happened, but then again i am sure you people don’t really care.

*************************************

I worked at 5am this morning and man was that rough. I didn’t want to get up. I was so comfy lying in my bed, snuggling with my cat Pita. When i finally did get up, my manager was waiting for me. When we got to McDonald’s the store was a mess. So much for JessL doing her job with CLO (close/open), she completely didn’t put the dishes away. And the store looked gross, there was 20 nuggets and 3 large fries in the bin when Sarah and I got there at 5am. haha. ew. Anyways, we were short staffed so i ended up working drive-thru, no biggie except we were busy. God people are stupid. Don’t go through drive-thru unless your order is small, you know what you want, and when you get to the second window don’t expect me to know if you wanted sauce, or expect me to know you want ketchup and salt with your fucking hashbrown. haha.

When i get home at like 1:30pm my dad is in a bitchy mood, yet excited because he just finished setting up our new 42″ plasma tv that he got from his boss, for 10 years of service. How cool is that?

Cory was supposed to come over today, but we figured that it would be best just to see each other tomorrow. Since i am really too tired to do anything, and my dad was being bitchy. He is going to get his cell phone tomorrow, and asked if i wanted to help pick it out. I was like “hellz yes!” Shopping for a cell phone, duh! hehe.

Bleh.

guys

no punctuation. no proper spelling or grammer. no capitalization.

while sleeping over at ashley’s house with jessL i was seriously thinking. something that normally doesn’t happen too often. this type of thinking however made me really sad. i dont want my life to start.

i have on year left of school. fingers crossed that i passed everything and i choose not to come back for another semester. my prom is this year and when you think of prom you think of dates. everyone that i wanted to take to prom is either gone or being an asshole right now. thinking of dates made me think about guys.

it didnt help that this is gordons last summer here and i am more then likely never going to see him again. i did hang out with him sometime last week and i had loads of fun. but i did get the closure that i wanted and that is how he doesnt want to date. which is fine now i can look for someone else who likes me. i am not over gordon i am just over trying to get with him (in sense of a relationship).

so i began thinking because steve and jade came over to ashleys house to see jess and i and to meet ashley. however without getting into too much detail ashley wasnt having such a great night. steve is the type of guy who listens and gives his opinion. last night he definatly did but to the point where ashley was in tears. it was like something overcame steve because he usually doesnt act like that what-so-ever. which made me realize that he is just like every other guy out there.

all of them are. you think you meet a really nice guy. but you dont. you meet someone who is going to be nice at first and then just act like every other guy. i dont know if i can trust guys anymore. they have hurt my best friends over and over again. and i too have been hurt.

jessL and i were watching a movie called saved! and in the end it was a romance movie. the guy was a total hottie and extremly nice. pffttt…please. that doesnt happen in real life anymore. the guys all want one thing.

it really is too bad i am going to be alone.

atleast i will have awesome friends to be there for me.

Forgotten?

Am I forgotten and not wanted anymore by my best friend? I have just read her post and was slightly confused. I know that I haven’t really been there for the past two weeks (because I was grounded) but as soon as I could I called. On her b-day I called and wished her a good one. We talked about this summer and stuff. And in her blog never once was I mentioned for anything. I am always telling her that she is pretty and has a nice figure, infact alot of people do. But she said, her family and Kyla. I am not mad at all, just a little heart broken that she never talks about me anymore, and she is always talking about how Kyla does this and Kyla does that for her. I haven’t been able to because I was grounded then I am working alot lately. Wow, I think my heart just broke in a thousand peices.

………………………………….

I got home almost an hour and a half ago from hanging out with Jess, Steve, and Justin. Man was that fun. However I must take the Ninja down! Everything started off ok, until he attacked me on his bed while Justin was listening and watching some MSI videos with Jess. Then we left his room and went outside. He stole my shoes, but with that I laughed at him because they smelled sooooo bad. So I attacked him with liquid eye shadow, but he stole it off me and attacked me hardcore. haha…in my hair, my white shirt and black jeans have pink sparkly eye shadow all over them. Then Luke stopped in to take Justin somewhere, and then Steve went inside to grab my tiara and something that Jess forgot inside. And brought out silly string and used that against me!!! He used green silly string and totally crushed me. haha.

I need to get him back. More then likely I am going to hang out with him sometime this week after exams, and I need a way to get him back. Teasing doesn’t seem to work…because I have tried, maybe this is because I don’t know how to get him since he is infact a Ninja! haha. I must get Justin aswell because he sat there laughing and watching. So he must pay for not helping me…haha. Jess helped a little, so no reason to get her.

The Ninja must be taken down!!!!

………………………………….

Anyways I talked to Gordon and Kyla talked to Gordon. And he is still going on about how I am too shy. This is kind of old news. I am shy to talk to him, yes. Mostly because he told me that Lindsay(sp?) doesn’t like girls who like Gordon, and he is mostly always with her, so I don’t want to go near him. Lame…I know. If I could just get Gordon alone, to hang out with me, then I definatly wouldn’t be so shy.

Have you been reading my blog lately? I have definatly changed. My nickname is slu or schlingkay because of what has happened and the way I dress lately. Today for instance, Steve wanted a hug but he didn’t want more eye shadow on him so I took my white shirt off and just had my bathing suit bikini top on. The old Jessica would have never done that. Or now when I see Steve there is always a kiss, or Justin when we “made out” last time…haha…with Jess, Luke and Steve. The old Jess would never have kissed Jess L, or flirt with everyone…alot. I am more of showing off my body a little more, because I am finally getting over how I look. I am still kind of big in the stomach (when I sit) but oh well…I still don’t find myself attractive. But meh, I can’t be that bad if Gordon thought I was pretty (or still does), or Justin, or Steve. So I am slowly coming out of my shell, and I am definatly talking to Gordon because I really want him (some day after exams) to come over, or hang out with me or something. Just so he can see the real me outside of school. I am different inside of school then I am outside of school. (I am more crazy and fun!!!!) haha.

Anyways I think that is all she wrote today. Later peeps.