So I have been doing some thinking yet again and my life is gay. I am going to spend the rest of it working and slaving away at McDonald’s because I am choosing not to go to college as of right now, I am always going to hear the bickering sounds of the ones I love and call friends telling me I won’t survive unless I do go to college (which is total BS! It will help, but I will be just fine without it).

Cory, Dan, Aaron and Jessica are all going to college (more then likely) in September. And Chelsee is going back to high school to top some classes up. Myself? I am no longer going back to Clarke (I hate it and the other kids), and I plan on just going into the working-ness? So next year I will more then likely not see Miss Misery anymore then I already don’t (or less) which means more fighting. Greaaat; just what we both need. I won’t get to see Cory as much, unless he gets his G2 and a car and comes to see me, or I get my G2 and I have a car and go see him. Dan is in the same school as Cory, so I can see them together. And Chelsee, well if we move out this summer I will see her almost everyday.

I have alot to accomplish in short time.

-save money for Dirvers Ed.
-save money for a car by September (then get car fixed and certified by the time I get my G2)
-pay my cell phone bill every month
-save money for an appartement for this summer.

Not to mention extra money things:
-shopping (need new bathing suit and summer wear!)
-shopping (appartement)
-Wonderland (atleast 3 or 4 times this summer)
-Camping, trailers, cottages
-Niagara Falls (with family + Cory)

I’m dead. There is no way I can save this much money all by September. No way.

So yesterday was Spring Fling and man oh man was it fun. Well I mean Cory, Dan and myself did not go to the actual Spring Fling instead we hung out in B-Ville.

We walked to my house with no plan in our head about what we were doing that night. Around 3:30 Kiley calls me and asks me to meet her at the LCBO. I won’t go into detail however after that Kiley stuck with us, and we decided to go to B-Ville and do a little shopping. We went to Zellers, basically I bought an i-cy thing (its like an i-dog but a penguin!), I bought a pink camo skin for my iPod nano, I bought new camo shoes, a pair of bootay shorts (they are sooo cute!), the movie Happy Feet, a hat and a pair of sunglasses. After chillin’ at Zellers we went to go wait for the bus, anyways we ended up missing it and walked to Liberty Bowl to find out that there was no lanes open until 9:30pm, so we turned around and walked to Dollarama. We walked so much. But it was so much fun! So much! I loved just chillin’ with the guys. haha.

Happy Feet is a funny movie. I liked it, it is very cute. Kind of lame, but whatever I dont care I loved it. hehe.

Cory and I walked home today on our spare and hung out at my house. We didnt do anything special however it was pretty awesome. Again with him I can just hang out, he might be bored but he would never tell me, and he seems alright just hanging out. You see we were supposed to get smashed off our faces, however we…well can’t right now. So we post-poned it until not next weekend but the weekend after that! Which I cant wait, three bottles of 1 litre of Vex. Oh man! If you have facebook or myspace, beware of the pictures. hehe. Four months! I am so excited, he got me a card that almost made me cry, with a little “Love” book (which is way cute!) oh and cheese sticks (because I LOVE them!) hehe. I got him a card (which was also sappy) and this little…thing…I dont know what its called I forget but its cute. I love him so much!

Anyways I still am not feeling very good and it doesnt help when my dad is being stupid all the time. He gives me these stupid looks, do you know what I mean? Those looks that just make you think he is mad, I don’t know how to describe it but its so stupid. I really dont like how he treats me. I can’t wait for the day to move out, just say “Bye” and leave. He makes all my problems seem 10X worse then they actually are because he makes me more mad about everything. He is worse then PMS!
Miss Misery and I are…I am not sure actually. I read her blog today and when I read it, it made me feel like she is trying to make me out to be the bad person in this “situation” because what she is saying that I said is not what I actually said. You follow? Anyways I emailed her during Media Class and said that (not so nicely, but I appologized for being bitchy, I think!) and she explained that yes it is how she interprets what I said. I understand that but maybe her readers dont…and I know I didn’t say half the things she wrote. Bleh. It doesnt matter I guess, but it made me feel like crap. Prom Queen is stupid anyways. I tried for it to not bother me because I was with Cory, and when she emailed me back I guess, it was sort of a truce. So I guess things are okay? She said that I too sometimes make her out to be the bad guy, which is what I used to do, but now I try to explain both sides. In this little arguement I didnt make her out to be the bad guy, I told it how it was. Like I said though…I think we are okay now.

Last night I signed onto Facebook to notice that a girl, Kate had made a group for people to join because she wanted to be Prom Queen. I saw this and laughed. I knew that Prom was coming up, and I knew how much I didn’t want to deal with the Prom Queen bullshit. Cory was over and I went downstairs and told him about it. Then I get a phone call from Chelsee and we go out and hang with her for a bit.

We walked up town, and by then I was cooled down. Then we see Ryan (a McDonalds manager) drive past, then we look up at the bank and we see JessicaL and Brett standing there. Chelsee and I yell for Jessica, and when we got there it was a little awkward. But we all talked and soon things were normal. Then I get a text from Miss Misery saying that she didnt want to go to the mall and hang out and do nothing. So I called her. We talked, and she suggested seeing a movie. I dont mind it…but I wanted to hang out with my Best Friend, not be stuck in a theatre for 2 hours not talking to her and then go home. By the end of the phone call, I was irritated again. Once again we make plans and they fall through I dont know why I bother. Anyways we all start walking, while Cory and I start talking about what we are going to do Thursday. Brett and JessicaL and Scott (he came just as we were leaving) walked their separate ways and we walked to Subway. When getting to Subway Cory and Chelsee ordered and I went to the washroom. When we were all done, we sat down and they started eating. I get another text message from Miss Misery saying that I should nominate her for Prom Queen. I replied with, “No. I am nominating Danielle”. Miss Misery got upset over it, saying that since I am her Best Friend she thought that I would have her back.

You know that whole “I thought you were my Best Friend” crap is getting old. Im sorry but truthfully it is. Everytime we are in a stupid fight she always uses that against me.

Anyways Chelsee and Kiley (who joined us shortly after) and Cory all noticed me getting pist off again and asked whats up so I told them. I read the texts, and what I replied to them, and they said “Dont worry about it”. Easier said then done, you can’t just throw your feelings away. Miss Misery is always saying that I don’t understand her and I never listen and its getting old. She says she is having problems? Everyone is, and no one needs to be fighting with their friends. I feel like it doens’t matter whether or not I am there anymore because she has Neil. She just doesnt seem to need me anymore.

I stayed home from school today because I haven’t been feeling good for the past week. Plus I am emotionally and mentally weird right now. Every little thing seems to piss me off lately, and I am afraid of loosing everyone close to me, but in the same instance I am seeing things differently, or maybe I am finally growing up, or I am just opening my eyes to see what the real world and high school is really about. Not following? Neither am I. I talked to Cory last night about alot of things on my mind. And he admitted to me that I have put on some weight. I asked him to be honest, and I thanked him for being honest. Atleast someone is honest with me, I know I have put on some weight. But nothing makes sense anymore. I took the test and it said I wasn’t preg. so why does it still feel like something is different? No period, breast tenderness, random weight gain, sick? I talked to my mom this morning when I said I wasnt feeling good, and she asked if I was pregnant. Talk about close to home? Im so freaking confused, and I dont know what to think about anything anymore. Everything and everyone is changing, including myself and I am at a loss.

So basically I have been hearing a “friend” talking about moving out this summer and it has made me think a little about how I want to get out and leave. I mean I am tired of everything at home and I just want out. I know what your thinking- I am a teenager who won’t stand a chance on my own just yet. And to some extent I agree. Chelsee and I have been talking about moving in together, and it seems like we might actually get a place this summer together. However I have also talked to Miss Misery and I am supposed to room with her. It’s complicated though.

Next year I was going to go back to high school and top off some credits which I know I can do better then I actually did. But now that I am thinking about it more, I am deciding that going back is not what I really want anymore. I know that I would fall into that category of students who say “I have already graduated and I don’t need these credits” then drop out and I do not want to do that. So instead all summer I am going to work, work, work (like I usually do) and save my money for a car, so I can drive, so I can work somewhere other then McDonalds (because that place drives me crazy!), and then I can move out. I wanted to wait until I had my G2 so I could go in search for a job at the OC at like Garage Clothing or something. Anyways those are only plans, and usually plans fall through and never end up happening anyways.

This Thursday is Spring Fling and some friends and I are not going. We were planning on going to Laser Quest, but now the plans (that we made like two weeks ago) arent happening anymore. It turns out that Miss Misery and Nifty do not have the stupid moo-la to come, so Dan (someone coming with us) offered to pay and everything, but now Miss Misery might have to stay later for some co-op thing. Am I jelous? Yes ma’am! I haven’t seen my girl in forever (or rather hung out with her) and this Thursday I was really excited to spend time with her, I booked it off from work and we had this plan…and like always (not only with her) the plans have fallen through; not all her fault; but still it brings a tear to my eye.

So this Friday (yes a day after Spring Fling) Cory and I are celebrating our 4 months. I am so excited! We are getting loaded (hopefully) hehe. I want to get him something really special that means alot to me and him. Well okay just him. He means the world to me, and again 4 months is not really THAT long, but it feels like I have been with him for years. And no way in hell am I saying that in a bad way! I haven’t been to nice to him, but I hope he knows he means everything to me and I love him with all my heart.

Okay so I will post tomorrow. For the second time in the last 20 minutes Blogger has screwed up. Just letting you know I had a huge post, then I had to type another one, I typed it it was alright. And then it happened again. I am a little more then irritated again.

They made me switch into that stupid Google Blogger bs and I wanted nothing to do with it Hmm, I wonder why? Glogger as Miss Misery calls it can suck my penis.

I haven’t blogged in like a month. And I guess there is no excuse for that except I haven’t had time. There are too many things happening all at once.

For starters I bought a new cell phone, a pink Razor phone through Bell. I bought a new phone only because my Solo Mobile phone is g.a.y. I wanted to try out a contract again and the Solo contracts are useless now that Solo doesn’t do unlimited text messaging. And for me, I am a text message-aholic. haha. So far its going well; but i have only had the phone for a week now. I’m dreading my first phone bill only because I havent been working alot since they cut hours now since its so slow.

Cory and I are still together and happier then ever. Although things are coming between us sort of. I mean the thought and possibility of a baby. Yes you heard that right. I won’t go into much detail because i do not know for sure yet about anything. So I will leave it at that. I love him more then anything. And I know…I just know that he is the one. Something is different; and I know i have said that about almost every guy i have been with; but this time something is different. He is a good guy, and he is amazing. He makes me smile, and I know i can always count on him.

I miss my best friend so much. I like never see her now that she has a four credit co-op all the way in Whitby, and most of the time I am working, or she is with her boyman. And because my dad is a douche and doesnt drive me anywhere anymore. Unless to work and even that like ten minute drive I have to like beg! Anyways, I miss her so much.

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What happens when you have your G1 but your boyfriend lets you drive everywhere? I’m talking everywhere…normal streets, highways (including the 115/35 and the 401). But you see your boyfriend does not have his G (or four years of driving)?
What happens when this person is driving and comes to a railroad and sees that the lights are flashing, doesnt know what to do, so she asks her boyfriend he says slow down, but you hear speed up. Ten seconds later the train wizzes past. Almost killing the boyfriend, your friend, and yourself?

I am having an issue with one of my best friends. I dont like that she drives her boyfriends car all the time, even on highways. I dont want to tell her, because when Cory’s parents asked Cory why she was driving when they saw her, one night after soccer, she flipped out like she always does when she thinks she is right and we are wrong. And bitched at him. It pissed me off, but i bit my tongue. Anyways, so far when she is driving she has almost been in several accidents and im worried. I don’t want to tell anyone because she will be mad at me ALOT, and she will be like “well why did you even get in the car with us if you knew i was driving?” which is true. I didnt have to get in the car. However I didnt want to offend her, and I had no way there or home.

I know this is bad to say. But I hope one day, when she is driving with her boyfriend and when I am in the car. That she gets into an accident, nothing serious to her or her boyfriend, but something to me. Yes a little crazy I know…but maybe then she would learn. And im not talking like something really serious, just me get injured, nothing life threatening…ya know?

Gah! I dont know what to do.

Wow things have been interesting. Yesterday was my birthday (also Justin Timberlake’s) , i finally turned 18. I am legal now. Well for some things; gambling, voting, and porn. haha.

Yesterday was my birthday party. I was so excited for it I was talking about it for like weeks before hand. Although with the fight with Chelsee and everyone saying they were going throw me a party people got hurt and pist off; including me.

Everything started off great. I woke up early (surprisingly) and when I went downstairs my mom was cleaning the carpet. It turns out that the middle age cat we have, Shed, is yet again sick. And by sick I mean she has crystals again. All I know is that when she has to pee, she pee’s anywhere, and we can’t really punish her, because it hurts her, she is peeing blood. Fortunately this has happened before so we know what to do, however, unfortunately my parents dont have the money to get Shed the meds, and the Vet visit. So I might have to use some of my money; which I dont mind at all.
So with that going through my mind, my parents are thinking, yet again, to get rid of Shed, and everytime i think about that, my eyes water and i start crying. We have raised Shed since my dad found her at my parents work. And what sucks the most, is I am like the only person in the house who doesn’t really bitch at her. My dad shouts and yells at her all the time, and i hate that so much! My mom and sister dont really pay any attention to her, and I do. All the cats are always in my room, because my room is always open for them. (Except right now, because its a HUGE mess, and I dont want Shed peeing on my stuff).

As far as I knew Cory was getting dropped off at my house, so he and I could bake the cake. And Jessica, Chelsee and Aaron were going to go shopping for the decorations and such. Around (we’ll say 11am to make things even-ish) Aaron and Chelsee pull up at my house, and Cory and Jessica get out of the car. I was like, why is Jessica not going with Aaron and Chelsee? Apparently Aaron had to drop his brothers off or something, which is totally fine.
Almost an hour later, Chelsee 10-4’s my cell phone and says something about “pigs in a blanket” or something like that…anyways I got the hint of sex. And they would 10-4 me later, and then come pick Jessica up. This pist me off, because now Jessica had to walk with Cory and I to get all the cake stuff, Jessica had to do alot of walking, and I didnt want her tiring herself out. Anyways, later I find out that Chelsee had an interview at 4. Which is fine, but they still had to get the motel, get decorations, and decorate.
Hours later and Chelsee, Aaron, and Jessica come to pick mine and Cory’s stuff up and I start crying. I no longer wanted to go. This was my own birthday party, and I didnt want to go. I put everything except my backpack, and then Cory and I started walking down there. We get to IGA and Jessica calls me saying go to Tim Hortons and wait for Neil. As Cory and I are walking to Timmies we see Aaron and Chelsee drive past, then Jessica and Neil walking infront of us. We didnt think she needed us to stay at Timmies anymore so Cory and I continued walking to the motel.
Later on, I find out that apparently Cory and I werent supposed to be there until 9, because apparently Chelsee didnt want to go unless Aaron was there, or she had “prior engagements” (which didnt make sense because, the day before she never said anything to me, or the day of she never text me or anything; i find that hard to believe). What party (with no booze or drugs) starts at nine? Neil had school the next day, he needed sleep. ARGH!

Im done explaining this shit. All and all it was boring and not really fun. Chelsee seemed pist off at Jessica all night, and I have no idea why she was nothing but nice to her. It was just…it taught me to never really plan anything anymore, because something always gets fucked up.

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I find myself thinking alot, but i dont know why.
I am older now (ahaha, by one day) but still, I am starting to wonder about myself and people.
I hate being a teenager. It sucks. No matter how I am feeling I get someone mad at me.
And for some reason last night Chelsee started talking to me, about me not eating. I’m not anerexic! I do eat; just when I am hungry. And I have been gaining weight (in the tummy area) and I know this. People dont believe me, and I am not just saying it. I really believe I have, seriously. I am somewhat “skinny” but still chunky in the stomach.
Bleh.

i dont know what is going on with me lately, but everything seems to be pissing me off. Except work.

Someone once told me I should never have to change myself for anyone. I am finding this harder and harder to believe. I am very emotional and I take things too seriously, so when people are kidding, and clearly kidding, i get angry easily. Then they get mad, or tell me not to take them seriously. I’m sorry, but that is apart of who i am.

Cory and i were talking on msn last night, and something he said aggravated me, and so I said, “Can you stop making fun of me” [i was getting sick of people making fun of me, my friends sometimes do it, my family does it all the time, and Cory does it all the time, plus whenever Cory is over he joins in with my family, so i get double teamed and no one to back me up! Then when i try to defend myself i end up sounding like an idiot, and they laugh harder]. Anyways, he said “Fine I will just stop talking”; i said a couple things, and he replied with “I wont text you, message you, or msn you” (not exact wording) so i said fine. Ignore me, see how well that goes for you! Then I went and layed down, and watched a movie. Shortly after he did text me appologizing. But I know that this is not the only thing bugging me.

Chelsee and I got into an arguement a couple days ago and to be completely honest, things are different and really occward sometimes. Only because i still feel something is wrong. But more then likely I am to blame for the occwardness. I really like Chelsee; she is an awesome friend, but this fight was over nothing, except she wanted to know how i was feeling and when i said i dont want to say because you will just get mad, she said no i wont; just tell me. When I told her, she took it and blew it outta proportion and get really mad. Which then made me extremely mad. I dont know.

School. Well whats there to say about school? That always stresses me out. This is my last year and i basically am going to fail 3/3 classes, and i screwed up. I more then likely wont graduate this year with all my friends. I will end up going back for another semester. .

I am starting to re-think how i look. I really want to loose some weight. Not alot just some, and I also want to tone my tummy. But I want, want, want these things, but i will never achieve them. I dont want to go to a gym ($$$$) and I really am just too lazy. So yay for me, i will have a fat tummy for a while. My friends and family, and Cory all say i am not fat. But they are so wrong. I am the only one who can see it. Because when I am with people, I suck in my tummy. I make the illusion that i am fine, and slim but I am not.

Bleh. Whats going on with me?
Stupid teenage hormones.
I hate being a teenager. So many things are going on all at once, and I cant deal!

So I finally went to get my G1. Man was I nervous; I felt like how I felt when I went to get my tattoo. But when I went in, everything seemed fine. There was only a few questions that really stumped me. All together I got three wrong with The Rules Of The Road questions, and one Sign wrong. But I passed! I’m really excited. hehe.

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I was over at it2m reading their reviews. They make me laugh. I was reviewed once before. haha. I blog about pointless things as well. Maybe that’s because I am a teenager who wears her heart on her sleeve. But some of those blogs are just…blah. Boring. I don’t know how they do it. Sit there and read shitty blogs. Like I said, mine is not overly exciting, and my spelling and grammer sucks…but I dont care. This is just something to keep my mind off of the real issues.

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My birthday is in a couple weeks. Woo-woo. I was really excited but now I am not so sure. I am currently fighting with a really close friend however I dont know how close things are anymore. But she was supposed to go to my motel party; it was going to be myself, Cory, Chelsee, and Aaron. Then people were going to drop by later. But now she doesnt want to go, after promising she would throw me thee best birthday party ever. So now it’s just Cory and I. I am hoping that Miss Misery can go. And if not, maybe we can do something at her house. And if worse comes to worse, Cory and I can just hang out. It would be romantic and very nice to spend the entire day with him. I don’t have an exam this year, and I am turning 18 so I figured maybe I could get a tattoo if my parents give me the ok.

Bleh. I hope everything works out. Every year on my birthday it has been a disappointment. I have always had an exam on it. And my parents never do anything anymore, usually they forget. And my friends have exams then go home, so nothing is really done about it. So I am not really looking forward to my birthday anymore. How sad is that?

i woke up to my boyfriends text messages from last night, and one from Miss Misery. After reading them, i reciever another. Only this time it made me leap out of my bed (yes picture this, i know you want to). hehe. It was from Chelsee, and said “Snow day!”

I ran downstairs, and told my sister, and mom. I called Miss Misery (waking up her older sister in the process), and infact Miss Misery as well. I felt bad, but i needed to know whether or not it was a snow day. Anyways it turns out it is. Our first (and probably last) snow day of the year.

I was sitting downstairs waking up, and the phone rings. Its McDonald’s. Denise (one of my favorite managers) called and asked if i had a snow day; then asked if i wanted to work. By this time it was not even 9am. I said, what time to when? And I didnt want to waste my Snow Day. She said 10am-3pm. I said I would need a ride there and home because i am not walking in the crap outside. Anyways, long story short, she tried to find someone else, then called me back and said i could come in and work from 9:30am-1pm and i had rides. So I went in and worked.

God I am a loser. lol.
But i need to start saving money! If i get my G1 tomorrow; i will need to save money for Driver’s Ed, and a cheap car. So that way by the time i am done Driver’s Ed, and have my G2 I will already have a car that i can drive.

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Last night my boyfriend, Cory and I took pictures of us kissing. It was so much fun and very cute. I loved it. It took forever though. I could never take the picture right, so we would delete it, and take another one. I love him.
If you want to see the pictres; go here and click on “pictures”, then go to the new page called “kisses”. hehe.