what is going on?

i dont know what is going on with me lately, but everything seems to be pissing me off. Except work.

Someone once told me I should never have to change myself for anyone. I am finding this harder and harder to believe. I am very emotional and I take things too seriously, so when people are kidding, and clearly kidding, i get angry easily. Then they get mad, or tell me not to take them seriously. I’m sorry, but that is apart of who i am.

Cory and i were talking on msn last night, and something he said aggravated me, and so I said, “Can you stop making fun of me” [i was getting sick of people making fun of me, my friends sometimes do it, my family does it all the time, and Cory does it all the time, plus whenever Cory is over he joins in with my family, so i get double teamed and no one to back me up! Then when i try to defend myself i end up sounding like an idiot, and they laugh harder]. Anyways, he said “Fine I will just stop talking”; i said a couple things, and he replied with “I wont text you, message you, or msn you” (not exact wording) so i said fine. Ignore me, see how well that goes for you! Then I went and layed down, and watched a movie. Shortly after he did text me appologizing. But I know that this is not the only thing bugging me.

Chelsee and I got into an arguement a couple days ago and to be completely honest, things are different and really occward sometimes. Only because i still feel something is wrong. But more then likely I am to blame for the occwardness. I really like Chelsee; she is an awesome friend, but this fight was over nothing, except she wanted to know how i was feeling and when i said i dont want to say because you will just get mad, she said no i wont; just tell me. When I told her, she took it and blew it outta proportion and get really mad. Which then made me extremely mad. I dont know.

School. Well whats there to say about school? That always stresses me out. This is my last year and i basically am going to fail 3/3 classes, and i screwed up. I more then likely wont graduate this year with all my friends. I will end up going back for another semester. .

I am starting to re-think how i look. I really want to loose some weight. Not alot just some, and I also want to tone my tummy. But I want, want, want these things, but i will never achieve them. I dont want to go to a gym ($$$$) and I really am just too lazy. So yay for me, i will have a fat tummy for a while. My friends and family, and Cory all say i am not fat. But they are so wrong. I am the only one who can see it. Because when I am with people, I suck in my tummy. I make the illusion that i am fine, and slim but I am not.

Bleh. Whats going on with me?
Stupid teenage hormones.
I hate being a teenager. So many things are going on all at once, and I cant deal!

i passed?

So I finally went to get my G1. Man was I nervous; I felt like how I felt when I went to get my tattoo. But when I went in, everything seemed fine. There was only a few questions that really stumped me. All together I got three wrong with The Rules Of The Road questions, and one Sign wrong. But I passed! I’m really excited. hehe.

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I was over at it2m reading their reviews. They make me laugh. I was reviewed once before. haha. I blog about pointless things as well. Maybe that’s because I am a teenager who wears her heart on her sleeve. But some of those blogs are just…blah. Boring. I don’t know how they do it. Sit there and read shitty blogs. Like I said, mine is not overly exciting, and my spelling and grammer sucks…but I dont care. This is just something to keep my mind off of the real issues.

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My birthday is in a couple weeks. Woo-woo. I was really excited but now I am not so sure. I am currently fighting with a really close friend however I dont know how close things are anymore. But she was supposed to go to my motel party; it was going to be myself, Cory, Chelsee, and Aaron. Then people were going to drop by later. But now she doesnt want to go, after promising she would throw me thee best birthday party ever. So now it’s just Cory and I. I am hoping that Miss Misery can go. And if not, maybe we can do something at her house. And if worse comes to worse, Cory and I can just hang out. It would be romantic and very nice to spend the entire day with him. I don’t have an exam this year, and I am turning 18 so I figured maybe I could get a tattoo if my parents give me the ok.

Bleh. I hope everything works out. Every year on my birthday it has been a disappointment. I have always had an exam on it. And my parents never do anything anymore, usually they forget. And my friends have exams then go home, so nothing is really done about it. So I am not really looking forward to my birthday anymore. How sad is that?

snow day. snore day.

i woke up to my boyfriends text messages from last night, and one from Miss Misery. After reading them, i reciever another. Only this time it made me leap out of my bed (yes picture this, i know you want to). hehe. It was from Chelsee, and said “Snow day!”

I ran downstairs, and told my sister, and mom. I called Miss Misery (waking up her older sister in the process), and infact Miss Misery as well. I felt bad, but i needed to know whether or not it was a snow day. Anyways it turns out it is. Our first (and probably last) snow day of the year.

I was sitting downstairs waking up, and the phone rings. Its McDonald’s. Denise (one of my favorite managers) called and asked if i had a snow day; then asked if i wanted to work. By this time it was not even 9am. I said, what time to when? And I didnt want to waste my Snow Day. She said 10am-3pm. I said I would need a ride there and home because i am not walking in the crap outside. Anyways, long story short, she tried to find someone else, then called me back and said i could come in and work from 9:30am-1pm and i had rides. So I went in and worked.

God I am a loser. lol.
But i need to start saving money! If i get my G1 tomorrow; i will need to save money for Driver’s Ed, and a cheap car. So that way by the time i am done Driver’s Ed, and have my G2 I will already have a car that i can drive.

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Last night my boyfriend, Cory and I took pictures of us kissing. It was so much fun and very cute. I loved it. It took forever though. I could never take the picture right, so we would delete it, and take another one. I love him.
If you want to see the pictres; go here and click on “pictures”, then go to the new page called “kisses”. hehe.

can you drive me…?

It sucks not having my G1, or G2 for that matter.
I am never allowed to go anywhere or do anything unless i waste my money, and take the bus or rely on my friends parents to pick me up and drive me home. And its not fair. Not fair at all.

When I first got my job at McDonald’s my dad told me that he wouldn’t mind picking me up, or driving me there. It is a 20-30 minute walk (depending on how fast i am walking). Anyways now i am afraid to ask if he can drive me to and from work…even when its raining or snowing outside. He always gets this bitch voice on, and acts like a jerk about it.

I have walked so much up and down that road, that i can do it with my eyes closed. The thing is, I have spare last period and instead of waiting for the bus i walk home. Then i walk back to work. Then I walk home. I dont mind doing it during the day, but my dad wont get off his lazy ass and drive me in the morning so i end up walking sometimes at like 4:30am or 11pm. Or whenever i have…god i hate him.

Its not fair that i can never hang out with my friends who dont live in Newcastle because my dad wont drive me. And if he does drive me, he gets pissy because he is. He does this to everyone in the family. He drives when he wants. And I cant wait to get my G’s because then i dont have to wait for him anymore. I can leave whenever.

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Other then him, I had an alright day at work. It was fun. I found out that i will be having a Crew Trainer interveiw sometime this week (hopefully). I know the thing that might hold me back is my attitude, but honestly if they gave me a chance to be a Trainer…i am sure my attitude wouldnt be so bad. I have been working there almost 3 years and i have to take orders from people who haven’t been working there as long as i have.

It just makes me mad.

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Cory is coming over today. Actually he should be here in about 45 minutes or something. haha. We are probably going to watch a movie, and take pictures. Since I have to scrapbook and i bought a new photo album and basically i love photo’s, and looking back on them. No matter who is in it. hehe.

Hitler an’ More Cory?

You know what sucks?
Work.

I have this theory about McDonalds. And people might be offended by it. And if you are. Please no hate mail. Nothing can ever be compared the Hitler, or anything to that extreme, and I know this. But hear me out. If you ever have worked at a McDonalds you might know what i am talking about. If not, anyways…

Its like this. At McDonalds we have different levels of people. We have a Store Manager, then different positions of Management [1st assistant; 2nd assistant; swing manager], then we have the Team Leaders, Crew Trainers, and finally Crew People. Here is my theory:

The store manager is basically like Hitler, they control basically everything in the store. Next in line would be the management team, and they would be Hitler’s soldiers who train the Team Leaders into becoming a Nazi. Then you have the Crew Trainers, which would be the Hitler Youth. Again training to move up, and become Nazi’s. Then the crew, who are the people. And every so often you get people who want to move up in the chain and ya. They start training.

Does that make sense? Probably not, in order to really understand you would need to work at the store. Meh. So again, im sorry if i offended.

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So it was another Coryless day at school today. I miss him so much. But apparently he is getting better. Which is great. And I cant wait to see him, and give him a great big hug [not so much a kiss yet, hehe, he still might be a little sick.]

And without Cory at school, there is nothing really to look forward to.

Class is boring. In Com-tech we are creating websites which is great and all but the website i am creating is for memories of the past 4 years of Clarke [since i am hopefully graduating this year]…anyways, my personal website which is created using piczo is blocked. Meaning I cant get the pictures i need, or may want to use. Myspace is also blocked, so no pictures from there either. Joy. You gotta love school. English class is so boring that i usually fall asleep in it. I try not to. But it happens. History is gay now that the teacher made a new seating plan. I now sit with this guy i rarely talk to, and Gordon’s girlfriend. You remember Gordon? haha. My like, 3 year crush. Oh Jeeze. Anyways, she sits there and looks at me all weird and stuff….i dont know. Weird. heh.

love and hate

LOVE

I love this boy i know. His name is Cory, and i know what most of you are thinking. How can someone of only 17 (18 in 23 days) know about love? Well it’s simple. This boy I know, makes me smile whenever we talk, whether is be msn/text messages/phone/or in person. I can never stop thinking about him. And I miss him, even after we’ve hung out for the day. Its hard to explain. But I do know that something is different with this relationship, from all the other ones.

Every other relationship had something to do with sex. That three letter word which means so much for different people. With every other relationship, i could never see it lasting. I always could point out things that are wrong. Its just different, and hard to explain. And seeing as i am never any good at talking or explaining how i am feeling i just end up confusing people.

Anyways with Cory things are different. And as lame and cheesy as this sounds, I can see myself with him. Like moving out, living together, being there for each other and such. Seeing myself with him you know? I cant find anything wrong, and…I dont know.

This boy is hot. And I love him. He always makes me smile. And for a depressed, cynical teenager like myself, I need that.

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I love my friends.

To be honest I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. They have helped me through alot of shit. And it’s great because I have different levels of friends, and each person has helped me become who i am today.

I have my close/BFF friends who i talk to on a regular basis who are there when i need a shoulder to cry on. And who are there to tell me to shut up when needed.
[jess.h. && chelsee]

Then I have the boyfriend. Who is basically the same person…but a little more intimate. hehe;
[cory]

There are people who are my friends and some aqquintances. People who I can hang out with, who i dont know if I could get really personal, but they are friends.
[aaron && dan && brandon, matt, tino && jess.l. and more]

Each person is special to me. And have helped me, some more then others but meh.

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Family.

Short and simple here. As much as I may not get along with my family, I love them to death. And even though I say stupid things about them. I love them. They are always there for me, and they always will be. Even if I make stupid choices.

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Wow I have talked so much about the love, i have no anger anymore for the hate right now. Even though I hate alot. hehe.

I bet your wondering why I am talking about this stuff, and to be honest I have no idea why either. I just wanted to update my blog, and randomly I decided to talk about people i love, and things I hate. I am feeling really down in the dumps, and things suck because I am graduating high school soon, and I have no plan for my future. All I know is I want to be happy, not work at mcdonalds, be with someone who loves me, and cares about me [hopefully Cory] and have my awesome friends. A house of my own. The usual.

I guess you can say i am really scared of growing up, and appart from people.