3pm-8pm

My emotions have changed so many times in the past five hours that I am so warn out. First of all, I want to say that something very good happened today and I am very proud of myself. But on the other hand I feel guilty and very pist-off.

After school ended I went to the bank to take some money out for tomorrow (explain tomorrow) and then when I got home I called Gordon. (NO hessitation today) to see if he was coming to Rock.N.Bowl tomorrow. Unfortunatly he can’t come, but that doesn’t bother me anymore because we talked. And it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything it was me talking to him, and him talking to me. We talked about how I need not be shy anymore, and I kinda asked him out. Well kinda, not really, but I said something like : “Would you ever consider seeing me, or hanging out or anything?” lol. We both laughed, and well, we both laughed alot because of me. We were talking like old times, and he made me smile again. I found out what him and his friends yelled at me though. Apparently they said : “Gordon wants you to bend over!” lol. While Gordon was telling me this, he was killing himself laughing. I don’t want to get into more detail, but overall this was the best conversation we have ever had over the phone.

I walked to work with a huge grin on my face listening to music that I normally listen to. lol. But when I got to work everything was fine, I was pretty content and excited. It was around 6:30 that things got worse. David came into work, and I said hi. He walked into the crew room, and I went back there and asked what was wrong and he snapped at me. Fuck you! Honestly I have done nothing but try and help, I have listened and listened to you. I walked up front, and Chelsee decides to tell me that he called me a whore. That pist me off, but the worse part of it is…the god damn reason, and the fact that he said it behind my back and then lied to me about it! His reason (according to Chelsee, whom I believe right now because everyone is saying David’s lying!) is that because my “little boyfriend” (I am assuming that he meant Gordon, whom I am not fucking dating for the 100th time people! ) couldn’t come so I was bringing Adam. Um hello? I found out that Adam was going when I got to work today! So don’t fucking blame me. Adam and I are friends! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! When we flirt, it doesn’t mean anything but fun! You are obsessive and a lier. You need to start blaming yourself for your problems instead of blaming and lashing out at people who care about you! (I am talking about your friends) because right now alot of them are pretty pist.

David basically ruined me being happy. He isn’t happy so he is going to make sure that no one is.

I more then likely won’t update until Sunday because tomorrow is going to be a busy day! Later peeps// :-@

Hips Don’t Lie

I entitled this blog entry because I love the new song by Shakira…I dont know why. Hmm, I am guessing because she is pretty and I wish I had her body. haha. The way she moves her hips, I want to be able to move like that for someone special…I wonder who that could be.?.

Well today was very interesting. But in order to explain today I must explain a little from last night.

Last night I finally met Josh and Terence. Terence is cool, but Josh seemed like an asshole because the way he talked to Jess, and the way he acted. We went to Jess’s house, and because I sat beside Chelsee on the couch, she called Gordon. She was threatening me, and I thought that she really wouldn’t but she did. She told him that I was walking away blushing, and at that point I stole the phone and talked to him. We talked about whether or not he was going to Rock.N.Bowl and he said that this was his week-end with his dad. I guess that means he more then likely won’t be going. But ok. Anyways, him and I talked, and he asked who was all there, and I said “Chelsee and her boyfriend. Jess and her boyfriend” and he said “Well you are the fifth wheel” lol, well thanks for pointing that out…but before that he said that he was bored…I replied with, “Well if you were here you wouldn’t be so bored…” lol. I can’t believe that I, Jessica said that…lol. When he got off the phone, I just left. I couldn’t stand being with couples because I was only thinking about Gordon.

Today at lunch Chelsee wanted to go and take money out from an ATM and I knew that Gordon might be with her so I wanted to go. JessL went with us, and Gordon was sitting on the picnic tables with his friends. I walked past him without saying anything, and then he calls my name twice I turned and I think his friends yelled something like “Gordon wants to…” by then I turned red, because Gordon kinda started laughing. I was so happy, and I was freaking out (but not alot) lol. I went into Math day dreaming about Saturday and if he comes, that I might finally get to actually kiss him for real. ((Seeing as I know what I am doing now)) lol.

I am so excited. But not too excited because I know that he won’t come. . Anyways, I am off to dream again…and hopefully talk to people who talk to him. Or possibly call him.

Pffft…ya right.

Crushed

Well Charlie isn’t going to Rock.N.Bowl with me, so I might be going alone. But before anyone gives up hope like me I want to ask two other people. Gordon and/or Ian. I am too shy to ask either of them, so Chelsee intervened and took it upon herself to ask Gordon during their English class together, and apparently he wants me to call his cell and let him know when and where.

BREATHE JESSICA!

This isn’t happening. Calm down. I don’t like him like that anymore…who am I kidding? I do like him, I have just stopped talking about him (for the most part) because everyone (including myself) have been getting annoyed. If he does go, we are only going as friends? Or is he going to be expecting something? What am I going to do? I like Charlie…not Gordon. But does Gordon like me still? So many questions, because now I am going to start thinking about last summer and wonderland…and EVERYTHING to do with him.

Last summer there was so many things going on, and i miss him. I missed the way that we talked until like one in the morning. SHUT UP! Jessica you need to stop talking about him. He is more then likely not even going. You are an idiot for thinking he might.

I am out.

You Want Something Other Then Boring?

Ok, so I took an open kitchen shift today (and that starts at 5am) I asked the opening manager to pick me up because it was really shitty outside, and I would have had to of walked. I thought I heard Mark’s van outside so I go and check. But there was no van. There was an alein spaceship. The alien came outside, and said hello to me. I backed away slowly because what if they had those phasor things like on Star Trek? Then they thought I was pretty hott, and asked if I wanted to join them on their planet. But I said no and told them that I had to go to work. The just as they left, a gorilla in a white van pulls into my drive way. I go to the van and it is only Mark wearing a silly gorilla suit.

On the way to McDonald’s I looked out the window, and I saw a great big heart in the sky, and my eyes followed to where the beginning was there was he aliens again. Waving at me. We got to McDonald’s and when Mark and I walked into the store, it was like we stepped into another demention because I was now standing in prehistoric times where dinosuars were talking and eating McDonald’s but everything was like made from dinosaurs and cave people were taking their orders. Man it was messed…

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Haha…ok that was fun. I hope you liked my day this morning! Later people.

Hide Me Is A Hole

I like to know things about people so I can get to know them. When you first hang out with someone you get a sense of what they might be like. Then you befriend them, and every chance you get you hang out with them. Then things happen and people show who they really are.

I have recieved e-mails from two people. Adam and David. I am not going to indulge with their “relationship” because really, I don’t want to have to explain it again. The first e-mail I recieved was from Adam warning basically everyone who knew about David, himself and Matt. Adam was only looking out for his friend David because apparently Matt was going to do something again. Then David sent an e-mail telling everyone to butt out and mind their own business. Fair enough, but David if you want people to mind their own business then stop telling people. It is that simple. Adam is still your friend, and so therefore he was looking out for you.

I don’t think that it is right that you blame me for the relationship ending between you and Adam. I warned you because you were my friend. Am I mad? Yes. Why? Because you are blaming me for caring, getting mad at Adam for caring and blaming everyone but yourself. And then putting people through a guilt-trip. Am I the only one who is going to say it how it is? I mean atleast when I do something wrong I admit it and I take responsibility for what I did. Hurting yourself because you dumped Adam is not going to gain you sympathy. The way I look at it, is you had the choice to talk to him before you bitched at him. I am not taking sides here what-so-ever, I am forming my opinion from what everyone is telling me, and from what I have seen and read. With the e-mail Adam sent everyone who knows you and Matt and everything, he was only trying to help. However I really don’t believe that Matt would do anything to hurt you because you guys are friends. I have talked to Matt and I like him, I think he is nice. And honestly how can something be “bad” or whatever if you don’t object to it, and if you liked it.

I hate being lied to, I hate being blamed for things I didn’t have control over and didn’t do. I hate the fact that your so upset because you dumped Adam and people are feeling sorry for you. Like I said, you could have talked to him. Because I remember telling you that Adam was thinking about ending it. Not that he was going to do it, he was thinking about it. Huge difference. And if you had of been listening to me, you would have caught that.

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Now on to something about my day other then the stupid drama going on right now.

Miss Misery and I made up again. lol, I don’t even know if we can consider these as fights because one of us always calls the other and explains everything. And normally it is because of misscommunication. (Big word) lol. So on that aspect everything is good.

I have less then a week to find someone to go bowling with next Saturday. I still don’t know if Charlie is going because everytime I try to talk to him he has to leave. So I don’t know. I was thinking about asking Gordon…(I know, slap me!) but he is an asshole and too cool to talk and hang out with me. Oh well, I will find someone…lol.

Anyways, I am off I don’t feel like typing anymore I feel like screaming!

Oh and….

HAPPY 4:20 EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol.

Leave Me Alone

Am I stupid for opening my big fat mouth? Someone once said that you “can’t trust Jessica” and that someone is right. As much as I tend to think that I am trustworthy, I really am not. I can keep some things away from certain people (my feelings) but not always. People should just stop telling me things, it stresses me out and I end up telling someone because I need help with it.

I was supposed to hang out with David today, we got past Yummy Pleasure’s (that is a bakery, you sick-o’s) and then he brings up Adam. I said something I shouldn’t have because then David stops and tells me that he is frusterated, and that he doesn’t even want to hang out anymore. Um, fine then I won’t. So I turned around and walked away because I was not going to put up with that right now.

I get online, and I try talking to Miss Misery. Wrong move. (not exact words) “maybe you should’ve let Adam and David talk things out” um…obviously…maybe that is why I feel like shit, because I am part of the problem. She found her old diary from when we were trying out some spells and stuff. I replied with “awesome” Then she says something like (again not exact words) “you could show a little more interest in what I say ok?” I replied with “what like you do for me?” or something like that. I am sorry, but when you don’t bother saying hi to me at school and you don’t call anymore…I dont know…I start thinking. Maybe your sister’s won’t let you use the phone…awesome ok…I dont know what I am saying. Ignore this, I am really upset.

Another thing, is David, JessL, Chelsee and I are all not getting along…well we are but we aren’t. I can’t go into detail because I am still finding out what the heck is going on, but I will post about it when I get more info.

I miss Charlie. I havent talked to him in forever, and I really needed to talk to him today just about nothing, because he makes me smile.

Oh, and Ivan did come down this Sunday, you guys have to check out the movie he is going to be in…lol. Here is the link…he is the one, towards the end that screams with the curly hair…lol. He wrote the theme song for this one…I am pretty sure.

I have got to go and cry my eyes out because I am an idiot.

Thirteen Flippin’ Hours

Why do I do that to myself? Is it because the managers make puppy faces? Or just that I am sucker? I need money? All of the above, and you sit there wondering why I am asking myself these questions when it is obvious that I know the answers. Let’s start with yesterday….

I got up. McDonald’s called me, and asked if I wanted to start early because they needed extra people, I really wasn’t doing anything anyways so I said yes. I got there in time to start at 11:30am. Since I was already working that day at 4 I worked straight through until 7 (when my original shift ended). Since David got his eyebrow peirced, and McDonald’s policy is: NO PEIRCINGS! He couldn’t come in for his shift to do CLO (close/open). Mark asked me what I was doing tonight, and honestly I wasn’t planning on doing anything except coming online, and sleeping. I found out that Janice was closing manager, and I know that she always gets screwed whenever she works, so I decided to stay and work CLO aswell. So let’s recap…11:30am-12:30am…how many hours is that? Ummm…thirteen too many hours for me…lol. And to make things worse, that storm we had last night caused the power to go out, and stay out. lol. I had to finish CLO in the dark, and I couldn’t see if the dishes were clean, and Janice couldn’t close the store down, and it was so funny. We did what we could (Janice, Brenda and I) and then left Jeff (the opening manager) a note explaining why everything looked like crap, and the system wasn’t shut down. I got home around 1am and then stayed awake because I couldn’t sleep. And then I had to wake up for 7am…honestly I have only done this like 3 times before, and I am so exhausted. lol. It was also a Stat Holiday, meaning more pay..lol.

Well, I have things to update and then I must clean my room because my Ivan is coming over tomorrow! I am so excited because I like Ivan (because he is a “Rock Star” as I used to call him.

Friendship Woes

When you tell a friend that you like someone, you would like them to sit there and be happy for you. Not laugh because they think that he isn’t the hottest person alive, or say that he is way older and all he wants is sex, and to watch myself. No. Let me explain.

I have been talking to Charlie whenever I can, and when I don’t I miss him alot. I have only met him once, and even then (when I met him) I thought he was cute. Yes he is older then me, but not by alot. Big floopy whoop if he is 6 years older then me, he makes me smile and when we talk through msn messenger he uses cute emoticons and calls me hun and babe.

For school we are doing this project where we get to design a CD cover case as well as the CD using Photoshop. I chose to create something fun for Charlie’s musical-ness, and so last night I saved and e-mailed Charlie’s pictures to myself (so I could use them at school) and I showed Kyla, Allita, and Chelsee (and Miss Misery when she got to school). Kyla and Allita didn’t really say anything (to my face) bad about Charlie, but Chelsee on the other hand said things. I mean, it just frusterates me that she (Chelsee) talks non-stop about this guy named Terrence and I personally don’t think he is that hott, maybe cute but not as hott as she says.

But I guess that people have different veiws on how other people look right? I don’t want Chelsee to think that Charlie is oh so gorgeous but she doesn’t have to bluntly say it…he makes me smile, and the whole purpose I go online (right now) is to talk to him. I miss him.

Terrence is the one with the crazy hair, andJosh is the other one.

And these are pictures of Charlie…I think he is hot, and if you don’t awesome…just don’t say it to my face? OK?

Dont you think we would look cute together? Honestly…we would be the hottest couple since, Angelina and Brad Pitt? lol…well kind of.

Free At Last

So David kept hassling me to update my blog. So here it is…

I have been grounded for the past week for the dumbest reason ever. I went shopping last Thursday with JessL, David, and Chelsee. I told my mom that I might be going to Miss Misery’s house to sleep over, but I might not because I was getting sick, and I didn’t want Jessica to get sick as well. Anyways, to make a long story short, I went to Jess’s house and didn’t call home, so my parents “freaked” out. Bull shit, I mean if they were that concerned they could have called Jess’s house (since they KNOW the number) and asked if I was there.

I seriously want to leave this family. I hate living here. I get things thrown in my face all the time! I don’t keep my room clean, and my dad calls me names and shit, but my sister’s room is messier then mine but nooooo, they have to bitch at me. My sister had the computer for an ENTIRE week, and she always goes online! ALWAYS! I go out with friends after school, and when I get home (around 7) she is online, and then doesn’t get off until 8. meaning I only have an hour to update my blog, website, myspace, etc etc. before my parents start bitching at me. Why, honestly…I hate this family. I wish I could just leave. It is really harsh, but I hate that they favor my sister!

I am pist off now, so I am going to leave. So you don’t have to listen to me bitch some more.

Charlie (heart)

Finally a post about someone kind of new to me…so since I am a teenage girl, and I have barely done this lately I am going to let loose and freak right out!

I AM SURE THAT I REALLY LIKE HIM, and that he likes me back. Charlie is the SWEETEST guy I have talked to in a really long time (not including my friends). Whenever we talk on msn he always uses cute emoticons, and calls me cute names, tells me that I make him smile…but he does that to me EVERYDAY! I come on msn for the hope to talk to him. He wrote a song/beat thing for me, and omg…I am just freaking out because I like him…and everyone I talk to about him knows it because I haven’t been this happy since, well….(grumbles) Gordon.

Anyways, I am off to dream about him (but not sexually you sick-o’s *cough* JessH and David *cough*) haha. Just kidding.