This Is NOT Happening!

I found out last night that my Aunt was going into a surgery where the doctors are telling her that she may not wake up. Already that is making me sad, but seeing your mom cry? That makes it worse. I was on the computer, and listening to downstairs at the same time when i heard my mom start crying. (I hate when adults cry because it seems more serious, weird i know). Anyways, I went downstairs and talked to her. I think it has something to do with her bowells? (Sorry i am no good at spelling). Before dinner my mom called my Aunt and talked to her. My aunt is scared shitless, and that made it worse for my mom to handle, they were both crying on the phone. I was in the kitchen preparing my chicken burger when they had to say “good-bye” as most people do on the phone, however this time was rough hearing. It was almost as if they were saying good-bye for the last time. My mom got off the phone, and cried, which in turn made me blubber like a little baby as well. I went to bed thinking about how i dont want to cry, and i want to ‘act’ strong for my mom, becuase if something were to happen she would be loosing a sister.
I went to school, and it sucked. Normally school sucks, but this day was terrible. Not only did Gordon continue to ignore me, and my teachers bore me. I had to sit through the day wondering if my aunt was ok or not because my mom said that if something bad were to happen she wouldn’t tell me until after school. Shitty eh?

Like usual I understand something in math, or i am just grasping, and then the teacher moves on. We are basically doing the same thing but Geometric Sequences. Fun, Fun, Fun eh? JH claims that she doesn’t understand math, but neither do i sometimes, but i tried going for extra help today at lunch. It just bugs me how she can worry about “failing” but not do anything about it. I think i should just cool it though because i can tell that she is getting mad at me and people who try to help her understand. :S Weird.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I hate that question only because sometimes you dont know what you want to be. I don’t have the money or the grades to go to College/University so i don’t think i want to do that but then again i have been told and told that if i don’t then i am not going to have much of a job. I am interested in art (even though i am not that great) and photography. Mrs. Kearns gave me a book for Durham College, I was looking through it and found some coarses that i am interested in taking, but am i allowed to just take classes? (Ok that might have been a dumb question…lol) Anyways, there is this coarse called…Photography for Multimedia and just Photography. Both include working with cameras and black and white photo’s, dark rooms etc. Stuff i am interested in. Graphic Design is also something that interests me, i think…lol.

Sorry for the boring blog, just wanted to update.
Later,
dq

Loser

I am definatly dreading Monday. I hate going to school after concerts and parties and shit only because i never go.
Last night there was a One Second 2 Late concert thing, with a few other bands. I was originally invited by JessL but i said no because I was going to be hanging out with JH, Kyla, and a bunch of other people. Big Mistake thinking that would ever happen. I get online yesterday to JH asking me if i had a ride to her house, (not that it really mattered) but i said no. Because i honestly didn’t. So she suggested that she would come to my house and sleep over, sure, but she would need a ride. “Oh and we can go to the OS2L concert at JP’s” Um, no! Hello! Have i not been saying how broke i am, i am starving and you want me to go to something that costs money that me and my family dont have right now? Besides i dont like the band too much (more like at all) I don’t see the ‘hype’ in them, other then they all went to Clarke Highschool. She was like “oh, well I found out the Shannon (her sister) was going to take me.” I said whatever. Obviously i was mad, because i could have been working, making money so i could afford to do the things i want to do. But instead i was sitting at home doing nothing. Getting pissed at my f-ing sister, and my family. Crying etc. The worst night ever! Except for when i talked to Bryce. Anyways, i told her that i wanted to go to Shannon’s though if i couldn’t go to the concert. She said “she wouldn’t know how that would work” and shrugged it off. Then left.
That’s fine, because i dont need to go to their parties, JL promised to get me drunk and so that is what she is going to do, when she gets her G2 she is more then likely going to get me drunk, and show me a good time. Hopefully Scott, Thom, Kristina, and Brett are there with her, because when i am with them (hanging out and shit) they make me smile.
I felt so shitty last night, but I cared but i dont. She said that she wanted to hang out with me, and said she would, but then blew me off. I told her to go, just because i dont want to do something doesn’t mean she doesnt have to go…you know?

I know she is going to post and more then likely bitch at me, but once again i am speaking on how i feel. And again I wanted to go to the “after party” but whatever.

dq

McBitch

I guess that is what you could call me. Usually I call myself a McSlut but in order to be called a slut, you need to well…ya. Anyways…
Today was kinda dull. However lunch was interesting. At the beginning of lunch i was standing with Kyla, Jessica and Michelle O. Devon walked over to us, and then Jessica and him left to go and get food (because Devon had money, and Jessica didn’t). Kyla left, and Michelle and I are standing there, it was occward only because i am still not sure if she likes me. Or if she only talks to me because i am friends with Jessica. Anywho…all of a sudden a rush of kids come running through the main hallway. The teachers must be stupid if they didn’t notice that many people going into the caf. Apparently there was a “fight” between David G, and this other guy. Everyone was jumping up and down to see what the “gathering” was for, and then the teachers came, and stopped it. I heard that it wasn’t even worth it though. I mean slapping? I dont know though, i wasn’t watching.

Devon was acting like an ass, all over again. Honestly i dont understand why Jessica keeps setting herself up to get hurt. Stupid teenage hormones! What happened was Devon was trying to act cool infront of everyone and said that he hangs out with a bunch of bitchy girls. I replied with, “And you still cant get any.” My first real diss in a while…lol. Everyone laughed, and finally Jessica didn’t call me stupid about that. Devon was going to say something but refused because he was “such a nice guy”. Please, whatever. I figured it would have been a diss about me seeing as i dissed him, but noooo, it had to be about Jessica. What an ass, i mean he hurts her enough. It sucks that she has to be in like with an asshole like that. Makes me sad.

But then again, I have liked some share of assholes as well, actually that is all i have liked. I am not going to get into all of them however, that would bore you more then reading this…haha.

I am now back at McDonalds, and it is fun. I work tomorrow morning and I kinda can’t wait mostly because I am working with Chelsee and Sarah. They make me laugh sometimes. And then, if i can get a ride, I might be going to Jessica’s house and hanging out with her before she leaves me…:(. She is going to the hospital again. Which sucks because i am going to miss her. I guess this just gives Kyla and I a chance to get closer? (Like as friends you sick-o’s) lol.

Anyways, just wanted to update…
Later,
dq

The Shittyest Mock Date Ever!

Well I went to go and see The Date Movie. haha, that was the funniest movie ever! lol. But before that was really extremely cold!
Since JH had to work i decided to go and see it with Bobby Skan. lol. When he arrived in town He gave me a call. I figured that we were going to stay and wait for the bus, but instead Bobby had to go to the bank. Turns out we missed the bus, and it is all Bobby’s fault. We walked up to the other bus stop, and waited there for an hour. It was so freaking cold. I lost feeling in my fingers, and toes. And all we talked only about drugs. lol, mostly Bobby’s experiences but they were funny. lol. When we finally got on the bus…and hour later. It was like heaven, because it was warmer then the outside. lol. We got to the movies, and ate Subway…lol…I was shaking so much because it was? So cold! I was shaking for like 5 minutes straight I was frozen…lol. We walked to the movies, and went into the theatre early, and basically talked about more drugs…and just things in general. We totally made out. Then the movie started. lol. Man was it funny, the cat taking a shit on the toilet. haha. The gay guy in booty shorts. Cobwebs in between the mothers legs, lol. Man was that a good night, however i am now broke but i guess that is ok. I mean atleast i had fun.

I just got off work and I decided to check my e-mails. Wrong move. I should just ignore email’s from Adam. All they said was for me to come online (even though i was working) and basically he was bitching at me because I slept with Bobby Skan. How dare he? Honestly, it is non of his business what i do with myself. He thinks just because he is smart he knows everything. But he doesn’t. Then has the nerve to suggest that i have a mental illness. Well I dont. Adam, honestly butt out I want you to stop talking to me for a while. Even JessL (who isn’t really a close friend anymore right now) didn’t bitch at me yet you are. You need to chill. You have no idea how pist i am right now at you. Don’t bother commenting, because i am going to just delete it. I want you to leave me alone right now. How dare you? Honestly!

My day went from ok, to shit. All thanks to a so called friend.

I’m Out…
dq

Pissy

Yesterday sucked (Friday). Today is worse. And tomorrow is hopefully going to be better.

School was boring, however JessL and I are talking again. Finally, you know i was talking to David this morning, and i miss her. He suggested that she seemed like the trusting type, and i said that she was because even after everything we have gone through, i feel like i can tell her anything and everything and she won’t tell anyone. I have been talking to her, and honestly i hate myself for ever loosing contact with her. Wow, i kinda sound like i was dating her or something. lol.

Classes was boring, and i wanted to skip all of them. They were pointless because i did nothing that day. Although Monday i have my Math test. Interesting seeing as i don’t understand what is going on…so i am not going to get that 80% i was hoping for…lol

Work was funny this morning. Basically there was a death and a veiwing today of “Herbert”. lol, i am not going to say who or what happened but i will tell you that it involved with the meat tray, and the meat tray crushed the poor little round egg. We made it a coffin, and headstone. And wanted for this haness crime is Steve L. Man what a good day at work.

I had this thing written out for what i was going to type, but i figured nah. I mean what’s the point of typing that if all i am going to get, is bitched at…lol. So i am going to try to forget it, unless it happens again on Monday.

Tomorrow i am going to see “The Date Movie” with Bobby Skan. I can’t wait because i really wanna see that movie. I was supposed to see that movie on Friday, but because JH had to work no one else wanted to go, so i was determined to see that movie anyways, and they can go see it together. Without me. Man am i bitter eH? lol.

Anyways, i just wanted to update, kinda.

Later,
dq

Valentine’s Day

I hate Valentine’s Day.
What a harsh statement eh? Well maybe this is because i am bitter because on every V-day i spend it alone, cooped up in my house (or in this case i was working). I know that someday i am going to more then likely enjoy it because eventually (hopefully) i am with someone.
Today at school, i had to endure the couples kissing (more then usual), people sharing gifts, and Cnady Grams being handed out to people (and i didn’t get a single one, but JH said that she sent one to me, but they never handed it out). It hurts you know? Meh…

It’s not like i was expecting anything from anyone in particular, maybe a hello or something. But i knew that nothing was going to happen. I sent Bryce e-mails. Could i be likeing him again? I promised myself i wouldnt, mostly because i am not sure if it would work out, i still like Gordon, and my parents don’t like him and don’t like the fact that i am talking to him. But f-them. Honestly i don’t think that they can control who i can and cannot date? True? Meh, i dont know.

…………………………

Short post, because i am going to work on my myspace I finally figured out how to add music so that people can click on it, and listen to something they like…:) Neat eh?

dq

Music

Now featured on my blog!
You can now listen to music while reading my pathetic blog! How cool eh? lol. Sorry i thought this was big, because i didn’t know what i was doing, and i didn’t know if this would work because i took the music from this site and i just put it on the thing…lol. I didnt’ want to mess up the lovely layout, and omg. I love this now…I hope you like the new feature!
To request a song, please comment on my blog, and i can try to get it…anyways i am pretty sure my dinner is ready, so later.
dq

Obsessed

According to this Online Dictionary meaning of “obsess” is: To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic. Interesting. I have heard so many people say that i am obsessing over Gordon. Hmm, i wonder why. Maybe because everyone has told me (including himself) that he likes me, but nothing was happening. It upset me. Then out of the blue he ignores me and he is no longer talking to me. I was talking to my mom tonight and she said that i was obsessing over him…maybe because i don’t know these damn teenage hormones. I hate being called someone i am not.
I am talking about Gordon alot so now i am being called Jessica L.
I suggest things to JH about Math, or that she should eat, telling her that she can infact do the Math, and i get called Chelsee.
I am not any of those people. I am Jessica. Please stick to my name.

My new thing now, is the fact that i am not going to talk about Gordon if i can help it. I am not going to talk to him to any of my friend’s or family because they all have made it clear that I am obsessing over him. How come when i liked Bryce for 3 years no one said i was obsessing as much as they are with Gordon. I talked about Bryce way more then i have been talking about Gordon. And with Bryce, he didn’t like me at the time, and nothing happened between him and i.

“Your obsessing over Brett” “Your obsessing over Gordon” I am a teenage girl who is going to have school crushes. I am going to get over them. But when people give me false hope, i fall for it. God am i stupid or something because right now i feel extremely stupid. I feel decluded, and i feel like everyone is judging me. Possibly because i am not taking this properly. But i am only a kid still, i am going to act like one. But then if i am still acting like a kid about this, how am i ready for a real relationship?

Moving on, i did something that i shouldn’t have. Someone told me a secret, and i was trusted to keep this secret but because i was angry and upset at this person i told people i worked with. For so long people could trust me, i know so many things about people, and i have never told anyone, but this time i did. Why? I meant to at the time, but now i regret it. I regret it alot, because apparently this person thinks someone else said something when really it was me. What would make me angry enough to not care at that moment i told people? It is stupid, but because i cared about another person’s feelings first. This other person was angry at the person, and i agreed with why they were angry, and i said something? Confusing? Not for me.

Just…omg. I don’t know what to say anymore to anyone. Everything i say people take the wrong way.

I am really sorry…you know who you are if you ever read this. I really am sorry.
Gordon, i know you don’t read this, but i am sorry that i like you. Ok? I pity you.

Whatev.
dq

Work Work Work

Lately it seems that all i have been doing is working. I have worked for the past four days straight. I think. My first shift back was fun. I enjoyed myself. (Partially because i worked with Adam). But before my shift i found myself talking to Steven. What a waste of time. I mentioned something to him that he said that he wouldn’t tell his girlfriend, Michelle that i said. God was i stupid to think i could trust him. I said that i didn’t understand why he would take her back, i mean (from what other people have told me) she dumped him because she wanted to date one of his friends, then when Steve’s friend said no, or didn’t like her anymore she went back to Steve. Anyways, this is all from what people have told me. And i mentioned something to him, and he told her and now she ‘hates’ me or whatever. Not that i care because it’s not like we were friend’s to begin with. I said what i said, and i received no answer. Meh.
The second shift i had back to work sucked. I started crying and the shift was freaking rediculus. I mean i am still in school, and they aren’t supposed to schedule me 4-12am on a school night. I woke up the next morning, red eyes and extremely tired. I barely made it through the day awake.
I worked last night, and it was ok. I didn’t mind it.
Tonight however is going to suck. I am working with Adam and David and Wayne. Right now David and I aren’t getting along. I don’t know whether or not Adam and him are getting along, and Adam and I fight easily. And Wayne, well Wayne is just awesome! lol

My sister is having two friend’s over tonight. Hip-Horay. Honestly I am glad i am back to work.

Well short and sweet today because i am going to be working on adding music to my website some more. And work on myspace.

Later,
DQ

Fashion Class…

Yes. Here i am in fashion class in the computer lab. I am supposed to be working on this Body Modification handout question sheet and whatever. Yawn. Honestly the only thing i am interested in are the corsets. I kinda want them to come back into fashion, however they crushed the internal organs, so that idea i am not too fond of. If they could come back, but find a way to make it so that they didn’t do that, that would be awesome. This is the site that we are using. Interesting eh?
Computers was interesting today, i finished so i went online, and went onto my site I wanted to visit my myspace but i was afraid that the music would start playing, and that wouldn’t be cool. lol. I have Going Crazy by Natalie. Thanks to JH for pointing out that song to me.

“There is another head roll. Let’s see if i can get the world record. Oh there’ s another one.”

That is how i was greeted by JH this morning. The “so-called head roll” was not even for her, or anyone else. I do that sometimes. Just like she takes things too personally sometimes. Jessica, you shouldn’t take things i do and say to heart anymore. Honestly, have the things i do aren’t for you. And the things i say is because of what is going on right now. But your response to that, is “Gordon is a jerk. Ignore him” god i hate that. Gordon is being a jerk right now, but whatever, i must have done something to him. Otherwise he wouldn’t be ignoring me, and pretending i don’t exsist.

………………………………

I thought i looked really nice getting ready this morning, but when i was like three steps from the door, i looked in the mirror one last time, and i looked like shit. Grrrr…
Adam, where are you when i need you? lol. What does that have to do with anything.?. lol.
I talked a little with JL today, not about much, basically because she is peer helping my sister’s math class. lol. I kinda like it when we talk because it makes me feel like we are friends again. Interesting how that works? She told someone at work that we were friends, but since then, we really hadn’t talked. I don’t know what to say to her because we have both changed. I know what JH thinks of the situation though…

“Why are you talking to her? She is immature…blah blah blah.” lol

I am immature, and selfish, and i hate saying good-bye to people. She was/could still be a good friend. Why did things go down hill? Again was it my fault…or are both of us to blame?

………………..

Anyways, i am off, talk to you all later.
((Remember JH please dont take anything i said seriously. I am just in a rut, and i am saying things ok? Don’t start posting hate mail…and hate responses and stuff? Thanks))

DQ